Fus...

It's 4am and I found it funny.

Skyrim = Satan?

Link:
Is Skyrim Teaching Your Children How to Perform “Rim Jobs” and Other Homo Erotic Sex Maneuvers?

Thank you, ChristWire! Now I know my soul can be cleansed when I stop playing this awful, demonic game!

(This site is a great piece of satire. If you ever get a chance, check out some more of their posts)

Look at that Homo-Erotic stabbing motion... Obviously the work of Satan!

A New Legend...

... Is born. I started a new character today. Decided that playing on my old character, Lucius, was beginning to get a bit stale. So, wishing to do something different, I created a new persona. Ladies and Gentlemen, meet Roland Chell, the infamous Poisoner of Skingrad, and my new sneaky, killing, thieving motherfucker.

 

And don't worry, Lucius is still around with his buddy, Golden-Hooves. :)

A Beginner's Humble Lessons

Greetings, all! I'm Jazzy, another good friend of Kampfy's. I've been playing online games with Kampfy for going on four years now and now that I have Skyrim, he has invited me to write in the blog as well.

I recently received my very first "higher level" gaming platform. I have been stuck with an old, beatdown computer that doesn't run shit and a Playstation 2 for as long as I can remember. However, I finally got that coveted PS3 along with Skyrim. I haven't figured out how to upload pictures from the PS3 to here (if you know how, please let me know) so, my posts for the time being will be without pictures.

Thus, allow me to present, Jazzy's Top 5 Lessons All Newbs Should Know When Starting Skyrim!

Lesson 1: Don't attack guards

I learned this very early on. Here I am, all joyful and happy that I finally found my way to Whiterun. I am standing at the Stable outside of Whiterun when lo and behold some guard accosts me and starts bitching at me about one thing or another. My patience was already on thin ice, so, what did I do? Fried the fucker. Oops. Big mistake. Not only did five more guards come running at me, but, I ended up dying and having to start back quite a ways as it had been forever since my last save.

Lesson 2: Don't attack guards in the city

Yep, that's right. I'm fucking retarded. After making it back to Whiterun, I finally decided to just leave the guards be and actually enter the City this time. Within FIVE FUCKING MINUTES another guard accosts me and starts rambling. Again, I'm pissed. So I killed him. Oops. I say I'd rather die than go to jail and take out three guards that rush me. Within a few more minutes, I was captured and thrown into jail. Moral of the story: If you attack the guards in the city, either run like hell and/or kill all the witnesses. Or just don't attack the guards at all.

Lesson 3: Don't piss off the Dark Brotherhood

Since the whole idea behind "killing those that piss me off" seemed to be taking shape, I decided to just stick with the "kill on sight" kind of thing. Have no remorse. Oops. Well, that worked wonderfully until I apparently pissed off some family or another and before I knew it, I had assassin after assassin after assassin coming after me. I took care of most of them, no problem, but, I still learned to be careful who I kill.

Lesson 4: Don't wander into dark caves unprepared.

I decided to give this a shot. I was walking to the Greybeards and I see a cave in the side of the mountain...oh yes, I HAVE to check it out (damn curiosity). So, I walk in (around 50% health at the time) and start looking around. Oops. Three witches pop out of nowhere and go all Palpatine on my ass. I was deep fried and skewered in about five seconds. Fuck, all that walking and now I have to start back at Whiterun...

Lesson 5: WATCH WHERE YOU PUT YOUR FUCKING PERKS!!!!!!!!!!!!

I decided I wanted to toss things up a bit and make an archer/mage. I know it's a weird combination, but, I wanted something different for a change. Oops. Things were going well until I started to realize just how unbalanced I was. I had great damage and such with bows. And I had a wide variety of spells. But what about my armor? What about my ability to fight hand to hand with a weapon? If I came across a group of five enemies, I could take out two with the bow, one with my spells and then BAM, I'm all out of Magicks and they're too close to be effective with the bow. I couldn't even kill two bandits without dying twice. Check the perks, study them, and try really hard to balance your skills or you'll find yourself fucked harder than a whore in Amsterdam.

Well, that about sums up my first post. I'm sorry it's a novel with no pictures (making it less enjoyable) but it's the best I got. I look forward to continuing my quest through Skyrim with the hopes of finding a balance in my play and the choices I make for my character.

-Jazzy

Christmas shopping...

Sucks, but look what I found!

Eyefinity... In action.

This is my world, now.

WSGF's look at Eyefinity in Skyrim.

Stay tuned!

My Recent Travels

So as Kampfy said, I'm Zerotix. I'm a good friend of his and a fellow gamer. When I started the game, I decided to go full mage to see what it was like. I have to admit, it's very fun, but a bit hard. I play on Expert because I don't have the patience for Master. Anyways, I didn't dive into the main quest right away. I did a side quest here and there, check out some screen shots:

That's a pretty old screen shot. I don't take that many unless I see something cool. That was when I was going through the College of Mages quests, and yes I use a shield in one hand and a spell in the other. And yes, I fight on the frontlines with JUST a shield when in battle. Anyways, after becoming the Archmage and getting the robes I'll never be able to replace, I went along with the main quest a bit and ended up here:

This place is cool looking. I'm so glad I came here. This place makes my game look like Bioshock, and I hate Bioshock other than it's prettyness. So now I'm balls deep in the main quest and we'll see where it leads. Hopefully I won't get sidetracked too much with other quests.

Lastly, wtf is this shit?

Spoiler: It's a glitch from my graphics card.